Mata-e-Gair

Mata-e-Gair
यानि किसी गैर की अमानत ।

Sahir Ludhianvi and Amrita Pritam shared a love story which sounds like a dream and also a nightmare for a lifetime to me. I guess it is enough to say that they knew a love that was more than love and they lived it rather unconditionally.

An article in the First Post tried to describe their relationship and here’s an excerpt which left me wondering if the idea of love can be so..

“In her autobiography, Rasidi Ticket, Pritam writes about how they’d sit in silence and gaze into each other’s eyes while Ludhianvi chain-smoked his cigarettes. After he left, Amrita picked up the stubs left by him and smoked them, pressing her lips upon the invisible imprint of his.”

 

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The nazm below is said to have been written by Sahir when Amrita was with her long-standing partner Imroz and as you devour this, you will experience bits of what that distance meant to the two of them and the reality of their realities.

Here’s a gem you can listen to it from:

 

Mere khwaabon ke jharokhon ko sajaane wali
Tere khwaabon mein kahin mera guzar hai ki nahi
Puchkar apni nigaahon se batade mujh ko
Meri raaton ke muqaddar mein sehar hai ki nahi

(jharokhon: gazebo)   (sehar: morning)

Chaar din ki ye rifaaqat jo rifaaqat bhi nahi
Umr bhar ke liye aazaar hui jaati hai
Zindagi yun toh humesha se pareshaan si thi
Ab toh har saans giran-baar hui jaati hai

(rifaaqat: togetherness)      (aazar: suffering)    (giran-baar: heavy with burden)

Meri ujdi hui neendon ke shabistanon mein
Tu kisi khwaab ke paikar ki tareh aayi hai
Kabhi apni si kabhi gair nazar aayi hai
Kabhi ikhlas ki murat kabhi harjai hai

(shabistanon: bad chambers)   (paikar: appearance)    (ikhlas: sincerity)

Pyaar par bas toh nahi hai mera lekin phir bhi
Tu batade ki tujhe pyaar karun ya na karun
Tune khud apne tabassum se jagaya hai jinhein
Unn tamannaon ka izhar karun ya na karun

(tabassum: smile)    (izhaar: to express)

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Tu kisi aur ke daaman ki kali hai lekin
Meri raatein teri khushboo se basi rehti hain
Tu kahin bhi ho tere phool se aariz ki kasam
Teri palkein meri aankhon pe jhuki rehti hain

(aariz: cheek) 

Tere haathon ki haraarat tere saanson ki mehak
Tairti rehti hai ehsaas ki pehnai mein
Dhundti rehti hain takheel ki baahein tujhko
Sard raaton ko sulagti hui tanhaai mein

(haraarat: warmth)   (takheel: imagination)   (sulagti: burnt)

Tera altaf-o-karam ek haqeeqat hai magar
Ye haqeeqat bhi haqeeqat mein fasaana hi na ho
Teri manoos nigaahon ka ye mohtaat payaam
Dil ke khoon karne ka ek aur bahaana hi na ho

(altaf-o-karam: kindness)  (manoos: intimate)  (mohtaat: cautious)  (payaam: message)

Kaun jaane mere imroz ka fardaa kya hai
Qurbatein badhke pashemaan bhi ho jaati hain
Dil ke daman se lipatti hui rangeen nazrein
Dekhte dekhte anjaan bhi ho jaati hain

(imroz: today)   (fardaa: tomorrow)   (qurbatein: closeness)  (pashemaan: embarrassment)

Meri darmaanda jawaani ke tamannaon ke
Muzmahil khwaab ki tabeer batade mujhko
Tere daaman mein gulistan bhi hain veerane bhi
Mera haasil meri taqdeer bata de mujhko

(darmaanda: frustrated)  (muzmahil: exhausted)   (tabeer: interpretation)

 

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An attempt:

मेरे ख़्वाबों के झरखों को सजाने वाली
तेरे ख़्वाबों में कहीं मेरा गुज़र है की नही
पूछकर अपनी निगाहों से बतादे मुझको
मेरी रातों के मुक़द्दर में सहर है कि नही

You.. who adorns the gazebo of my dreams
Am I ever a passerby in your dreams?
Why don’t you ask your eyes and tell me
Do the nights of my fate get the chance to see the morning light?

 

चार दिन की ये रिफ़ाकत जो रिफ़ाकत भी नही
उम्र भर के लिए आज़ार हुई जाती है
ज़िन्दगी यूँ तो हमेशा से परेशां सी थी
अब तो हर सांस गिराँ-बार हुई जाती है

Our time together is so little.. It’s hardly any time together
It will make us suffer for the rest of our lives
Life was mostly troubled anyway
Now even my breaths are heavily burdened

 

मेरी उजड़ी हुई नींदों के शबिस्तानों में
तू किसी ख्वाब के पैकर की तरह आती है
कभी अपनी सी कभी गैर नज़र आई है
कभी इखलास की मूरत कभी हरजाई है

In the ruined chambers of my sleep
You come embodying some dream
Sometimes I feel you’re mine, sometimes I don’t
Sometimes you seem so sincere, sometimes a harlot

 

प्यार पर बस तो नही है मेरा लेकिन फिर भी
तू बतादे कि तुझे प्यार करूँ या ना करूँ
तूने खुद अपने तबस्सुम से जगाया है जिन्हें
उन तमन्नाओं का इज़हार करूँ या ना करूँ

I don’t control who I fall in love with me
At least tell me if I should love you or I shouldn’t
Your smile alone has awaken these feelings inside me
At least tell me if I should express those or I shouldn’t

 

तू किसी और के दामन कि काली है लेकिन
मेरी रातें तेरी खुशबू से बसी रहती हैं
तू कहीं भी हो तेरे फूल से आरिज़ की कसम
तेरी पलकें मेरी आँखों पे झुकी रहती हैं

You are a blossom in someone else’s space
Yet my nights are filled with your fragrance
No matter where you are, I swear on your rosy cheeks
It’s like your lids are the shade to my eyes

 

तेरे हाथों की हरारत तेरी साँसों की महक
तैरती रहती है एहसास की पहनाई में
ढूंढती रहती हैं ताखील की बाहें तुझको
सार्ड रातों को सुलगती हुई तन्हाई में

The warmth of your hands and the scent of your breath
Swim around here dressed in feelings all around me
My arms look around for you in my imagination
When it’s so cold outside that the emptiness nearly burns me down

 

तेरा अल्ताफ-ओ-करम एक हकीकत है मगर
ये हकीकत भी हकीकत में फ़साना ना ही ना हो
तेरी माणूस निगाहों का ये मोहतात पयाम
दिल के ख़ून करने का एक और बहाना ही ना हो

Your kindness is a reality on one hand, yes
But the reality of this this reality could also be fictional
Your intimate look gives some cautious message
Maybe it could be another reason to break my heart

 

कौन जाने मेरे इमरोज़ का फ़र्दा क्या है
कुर्बतें बढ़के पशेमाँ भी हो जाती हैं
दिल के दामन से लिपटती हुई रंगीन नज़रें
देखते देखते अंजान भी हो जाती हैं

Who knows what’s the future of my present day
Nearness grows into an embarrassment for some
Those flowery eyes that embrace my heart’s spaces
In no time become a stranger’s
मेरी दरमान्दा जवानी के तमन्नाओं के
मुज़्महिल ख्वाब की ताबीर बतादे मुझको
तेरे दामन में गुलिस्तां भी हैं वीराने भी
मेरा हासिल मेरी तक़दीर बतादे मुझको

You’re my frustrated youth’s desire
Tell me the interpretation of my exhausted dreams
Your heart is filled places that blossom and those left deserted too
Tell me the result of all this.. Tell me my fate.

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