Aapki Yaad Aati Rahi

So little to give away, I thought.

What more was left? After all that I’d been through, what did I have left to give away?

And so I smiled.

Love’s a funny business.

Always has been.

And what’s the collateral damage to loving?

Memories.

Wouldn’t we all just be better off if we had none?

If every morning we were to wake up with a fresh new mind? Do you think life would become easier? Or less painful?

Let’s say you had to choose. You had to choose between an automated mind refresher, or memories for life.

What would you choose?

Would you want to experience life differently every day?

Or would you want to keep a stack of a lifetime of memories, like we keep annexures?

Let’s say, for the sake of argument, you keep everything you learnt.

Just like that- a summary of all the things you’ve learnt from your past. But not the source.

For example, you get to keep that you shouldn’t be rude to your closest friends, but you don’t get to remember that you learnt that lesson when you were four and you had to choose between one best friend and another to share your food with, and when you did that, you said something incredibly rude. It led to some crying, and bruised friendships and a baby melodrama, but you learnt your lesson.

Let’s say you didn’t get to keep this memory. Would you want to refresh?

Would you like to give up the memory of having lost an unborn child?
Would you like to give up the memory of wanting to come first and never actually getting there?

Would you, tell me, like to give up on the memory of begging for love, and never being loved back?

What would you do?

This song is about memories. Yes.

I live in a world of memories. I was identified as a clinical hoarder by one of my favourite persons last year, and the thought hasn’t left me for a single day since (hoarder, remember?)

Funny thing is, I’m now able to see myself in a new light. Maybe even accept it to some extent. My Universe resolves around memories. The past, the present and the future.

My present is ever-ready to make memories for the future.

I prepare moments in advance to look back at them fondly in the future.

Allows me to live life fully. Like there is no tomorrow.

Mostly. I try.

This song. This song is just sadness.

When I heard it for the first time, I smiled and thought, “Ah. Remember when?”

And then I laughed.

I’m reading a book of Milan Kundera’s and he mentions Heraclitus’ riverbed. This:

δὶς ἐς τὸν αὐτὸν ποταμὸν οὐκ ἂν ἐμβαίης.

You could not step twice into the same river.

With a flux of past, present and future all around us, aren’t we tagging memories everywhere? Good, bad or ugly.

And we’re never the same person twice.

No?

Written by Makhdoom Mohiuddin for the film Gaman (1978), here’s a mesmerizing version presented by my favourite, Manish Gupta on his awesome channel Urdu Studio in Deepali Sahay’s beautiful voice.

 

Aapki Yaad Aati Rahi

Aapki yaad
Aati rahi
Raat bhar

Your memories.
They kept coming back for me
The entire night

Aapki yaad
Aati rahi
Raat bhar

All of you
Kept coming back
All night long

Chasm-e-nam
Muskurati rahi
Raat bhar

I kept smiling
With tears in my eyes
All night, love

Aapki yaad
Aati rahi
Raat bhar

Because you kept coming back
All night long

Chasm-e-nam
Muskurati rahi

I kept smiling through the tears
All night

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Raat bhar
Dard ki
Raat bhar
Dard ki
Shamma jalti rahi
Raat Bhar
Gham ki lau
Thartharati rahi
Raat bhar
Chasm-e-nam
Muskurati rahi..

Throughout the night
The flame of pain
Kept burning
Throughout the night, love of mine
This flame.. it burnt brightly
All night long
With wet eyes
I kept smiling..

Baansuri ki
Surili suhani sada
Baansuri ki
Surili suhani sada
Yaad ban banke
Aati rahi
Raat bhar

Like the flute’s
Melodious, beautiful sound
Just like the flute’s
Utterly pleasant cries
Your memories kept coming back to me
Again and again
All night long

Aapki yaad
Aati rahi
Raat bhar

Every memory of you
Kept coming back to me

All night long

Chasm-e-nam
Muskurati rahi

Through wet eyes
I couldn’t help but keep smiling

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Yaad ke chaand
Dil mein
Utarte rahe
Yaad ke chaand
Dil mein
Utarte rahe
Chandani jagmagaati rahi
Raat bhar
Chasm-e-nam
Muskurati rahi

Moons of what you left behind
Kept creeping into my heart

All the moons of your memories, love
All of them landed themselves in my heart
And the moonshine
It shone on me
All night, love
And I kept smiling
As I cried

Aapki yaad
Aati rahi..

And your memory, love
It kept coming back for me

Koi deewana
Galiyon mein
Phirta raha 
Koi deewana
Galiyon mein
Phirta raha
Koi aawaaz
Aati rahi
Raat bhar..

A mad lover
Kept roaming the streets at night
All night
A man so in love
Kept roaming my street
And I kept hearing
Somebody’s voice
All night long

Chasm-e-nam
Muskurati rahi

With tears in my eyes
I kept smiling

Aapki yaad
Aati rahi..
Raat bhar

I was reminded of everything love
All night long

Aapki yaad.. aati rahi.

Everything I had, all your memories.. kept coming back.

 

 

Devnagri:

 

आपकी याद आती रही

आपकी याद
आती रही
रात भर

आपकी याद
आती रही
रात भर

चश्म-ए-नम
मुस्कुराती रही
रात भर

आपकी याद
आती रही
रात भर

चश्म-ए-नम
मुस्कुराती रही

रात भर
दर्द की
रात भर
दर्द की
शम्मा जलती रही
गम की लौ
थरथराती रही
रात भर
चश्मनम
मुस्कुराती रही..

बांसुरी की
सुरीली सुहानी सदा
बांसुरी की
सुरीली सुहानी सदा
याद बन बनके
आती रही
रात भर

आपकी याद
आती रही
रात भर

चश्मनम
मुस्कुराती रही

याद के चाँद
दिल में उतरते रहे
याद के चाँद
दिल में उतरते रहे
चाँदनी जगमगाती रही
रात भर
चश्मनम
मुस्कुराती रही
आपकी याद
आती रही..

कोई दीवाना
गलियों में
फिरता रहा
कोई दीवाना
गलियों में
फिरता रहा
कोई आवाज़
आती रही
रात भर
चश्मनम
मुस्कुराती रही

आपकी याद
आती रही
रात भर

आपकी याद .. आती रही।

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