Main Nadi Hun

I drafted this post in July 2017. ‘Drafted’ is not the right word, actually.
More like ‘puked’ these words out.

I’m not entirely sure why I wrote this, but I think it stems from some fundamental thought that I believe we as humans have carried within us. And it compelled me to think if the sun, the moon, the earth, the rivers, the trees- things which don’t have attachments like we do- feel a sense of being robbed too sometimes?

I think there are times when we feel like some things belonged to us.
That some things (or persons) were meant to be ours.

A job.

A promotion.

A car.

A house.

A girl.

A boy.



And maybe, love.

So does nature ever feel the same away? Probably not. We are the only species who can think, act and communicate our feelings in the most complex way on this planet, right?

But what if.

What if they felt it too?

What if a mountain hates to let go of it’s melting ice caps when summer approaches? Ice caps which took months to shape up the way they did, and would come back only months after. A relationship that can never be permanent.

What if the Earth hates not being stationery and letting go of its point in the Universe every single moment?

What if our moon never wanted to be Earth’s but Venus’? What if it roams around our planet in circles, always looking out for the gaseous mess that Venus is?

What if the trees are crying out loud each time they’re slayed and what they really miss the most is not their pretty fruits and flowers, but the insignifcant weeds that they never wanted, but started to grow fond of as they grew old together?

And what if the rivers that flow, never wanted to? What if they miss the homes they support, the farmers they play God for, or kids who come around every once in a while?

What if nature feels attached too? It’s only a fair assumption since we are nature too, right?

And if you don’t agree that nature would ever have such yearning, then why do we hold on to things as if they were meant to be ours in the first place?
As if we had any capacity to keep objects, places, people, and memories. We’re only passing in this Universe.

Isn’t it silly how attached we allow ourselves to be?

A job. A promotion. A house. A girl. A boy. Happiness. Sadness. And yeah, love?

Here’s something I wrote. Think about it 🙂

Ya shayad ek katputli? 🙂


Main Nadi Hun

Kabhi kabhi main baandh hun
Kabhi kabhi main dariya
Haan, kabhi kabhi mujhe bhool jata hai
Mere hone na hone ka wajood.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a dam
Sometimes I’m a river
And yet, sometimes I forget
Who I’m supposed to be

Isi anjuman mein
Kabhi kabhi main toot jaati hun
Bandh jaise dabaav mein aakar,
Apni baahein phailakar,
Sweekar leta hai-
Ki uski baazuon mein bhi
Utna hi dum tha
Jitna woh iss jaani-boojhi nadi ko sanjoh sakta tha.

In all this confusion
Sometimes I break down
The way dams do, rarely
When it can’t take rivers no more
And embraces it with open arms
Acknowledging that he too had only as much strength
As he thought he did know of this river’s turns and flows

Main wo khaas dariya si bhi hun
Jismein bachhe kuch chillar ki khoj mein
Garmi ki chhutiyon mein aanewale sehlaniyo ko
Kartab dikhakar dubkiyaan lagaate hain

Dheere dheere
Mere thande pade, maile kadmon tale se
Wo sikke uthaate ja rahe hain

I’m like that special river too
The one in which kids jump into all the time
To pick coins from its riverbed
Only to impress tourists in summers

But now, ever so slowly
From the cold bottom, riverbed like dirty feet of mine
They’re picking and up the leftover treasures I had left

Aur mujhe na jaane kyun
Chillar khone ka bura lag raha hai
Bhala ek dariya hun main
Chand sikko ka mujhe kya hi mol?
Chun le jaane do inko
Puraani khwaishein bandhi hain inki (sikkon) aabrooh mein

And I don’t know why
But it makes me feel bad

Even though I’m a river (!)
And what does a river ever have to do with a few hundred coins?!
Ah, but let them take them away
I guess
Old desires that are trapped as wishes in these coins should pass on

Ab chaahe jo aaye- mujhse door le jaye inhein
Aakhir kab tak adhoore sapne
Mere kadmo tale chubte rehne chahiye?

Now no matter who comes along
I’d like for them to take it away from me

Till how long is one supposed to bear the pain
Of broken dreams under one’s feet?


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